Steve Jobs never wrote a single line of programming code.
OF COURSE HE FUCKING DIDN’T.
Everyone knows I am anti-Apple but I do admit that they’ve done something right with iOS7. It looks really nice, clean, bold. They’ve got rid of pointless glossy shading and used clean lines. They’ve done nothing new, but it’s brought it alongside Android and Windows MetroUI. It looks a lot more modern and less like it was made by Fischer Price.
I fucking hate that typing in next.com goes to fucking Apple’s website when all I want to look at is reasonably priced jeans and not pretentious, overpriced computer products.
Google announce Google Nose, the all new smell search.
Youtube announce the end of Youtube because they’re going to watch every video and announce the winner of Best Video Ever in ten years.
Apple announce they still hate fun.
I’m the kind of guy who when they see a hot girl post a self-shot picture of themselves in the mirror, I take a moment to try and see what phone they have.
When I opened iTunes and it informed me that version 11 is out and I can download it, I assumed clicking ‘yes’ would in fact download and update it for me within the program.
Not send me to their website to download the 83mb setup.exe separately.
Fucking Apple, this is 2012 man.
"Would you like to update Apple Quicktime?: Yes/No"
There is a distinct lack of a “begrudgingly” choice.
I don’t doubt that this Kony fellow is a horrible man and the things that are going on are horrible, but watching that video still leaves me with the overwhelming attitude of “FUCK YEAH WE’RE ‘MURICA WE’LL GET HIM BECAUSE USA! USA! GREATEST COUNTRY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH YEAH!”.
I remember reading about the Lord’s Resistance Army within the last few months, because late last year a film called Machine Gun Preacher*, staring Gerard Butler, was released (I didn’t realise it was released yet personally, but it apparently had a ‘limited release’) and it deals with this exact same subject. It’s a biopic regarding an American biker who goes to Africa and sees the atrocities and decides to do something about it. It deals with the LRA, not a fictional force. The only difference is is that it deals with Sudanese orphans instead of Kony specifically. Call me cynical, but how come these two things happen within 6 months of each other?
Besides that, the film has gone viral the day that Apple are going to announce their new!!! (insert joke here) iPad. I’m not saying that these thing’s are intertwined by any means, just an unfortunate coincidence. I’m just saying that in a few days when the heat dies down on Kony, everyone is going to be fapping over the iPad. Again call me a pessimistic twat, and yes we all know I hate Apple and think they’re an evil company (although I doubt as evil as the LRA), but sadly you know this will happen.
I wish it would stop sending me these “submissions” from “Tumblr staff”. Mmm, reporting about all of the Apple spam, and then as an apology we’re going to give away free iPhones if you click on the links and also publish the submission? Sounds legit.
Even if it was legit, I wouldn’t publish it because Apple. We don’t need more people with iPhones.
The Apple Store in Cardiff. Really? Seriously, I’m done.
I can’t help but feel that had it been Bill Gates who had died, there wouldn’t be half as much sympathy.
Stardunk: More addictive than heroin and prettier than the 4th of July.
Available for free on Android (
and the App Store, but Apple suck).